January 2009
9 posts
That is a real Quote
Cry for me please. Cry for me and give me strength so I do not go insane listening to Melissa talk. I want to rip my ears off. Odama?! How can you not know our President’s name?! She must be a Republican.
“I think America is… like… doing so good. We have… like…...”
– Melissa
Jaywalking Ticket?
I saw the police stop a kid walking to school today. The police then proceeded to give him a ticket for jaywalking. I couldn’t help but laugh at the kid’s misfortune. A Jaywalking ticket! The kid couldn’t have been older than 12, haha. My day of status update meetings and mindless keystrokes seems almost blissful in comparison.
Inauguration: America, Friend of all People
Obama has the power of oration. I always like hearing him speak. The Poet who spoke after Obama has significantly less skill in oration. Painfully less skill.
Obama mentioned that America is a friend of all people and all nations. I found that to be quite interesting because I have witnessed many people in America who hate most Americans.
Obama has a HUGE mountain to overcome. I think he has the...
Online Infidelity Service →
The simple fact that sites like this exist make me sad. People do not appreciate their relationships. People who don’t appreciate their relationships should not have relationships.
Internet Blocking
Sorry for the lack of posts, my company decided to block my blog. I have no idea why, it isn’t like this site is getting any hits. The handful of people that visit are mostly from other countries!
I had to call in a favor with one of the IT guys to get my site on the safe list. It almost seems like a waste. It still confuses me how some people can surf porn at work while I can’t even...
Status Update Meetings, WTF
I am now part of a recurring weekly status update meeting for a project I am working on. The first meeting was to go over what the meetings were and how they were going to function moving forward. The second meeting was a 45 minute recap of the first meeting and then a 5 min update on what actually happened in the week. Then we ended 10 minutes early so everyone could get to their next status...
Job Opening?
One of my good friends, let’s call him Steve in the spirit of anonyminity, just quit his job. Frankly, I didn’t think his job sounded too bad. His new job sounds great though! I am going to talk to him about getting myself a new job.
I HATE new years resolutions, but I think I am going to give myself a goal for this newest of years. I will get a new job before Spring time. A new job...
Christmas Holidays
I am back. Spending so long away from work gave me some good perspective about work and life.
Why am I working at a job I dislike? For the extra money they magically decided to pay me? No, because I am a pansy who is trying to take the easy way out. I am going to find a new job. I think I am going to start going to visit my friends who have great jobs.
Why am I so worried about how things are...
December 2008
17 posts
It is Christmas
It is Christmas, I sure hope none of my readers are expecting me to update for a bit. I have a lot of interesting things to discuss when I get back though. Prepare yourselves.
Ending on a High Note
I didn’t talk to Ashley much today, but when I did, I made it count. I walked to her desk (in person, a real conversation!) and told her that I wanted to take her out this weekend to celebrate. She agreed almost instantly and was smiling the whole time. What a good way to end the week!
I think that I am going to tell Ashley about my layoff plan. I figure that she might be able to give me...
New Layoff Plan
I have received a bit of feedback pushing me to continue trying to get laid off. I guess there is nothing holding me back anymore. My compensation package will be even better with my new raise. I have always been a sucker for peer pressure, so I guess I will formulate a new layoff plan.
Email me with layoff suggestions
Second Last Day with Ashley
It feels weird to type this. Ashley is the only friend I have ever had at this office. I am not sure if she even counts as a friend. She may be more than a friend. It is hard to believe she was only working here for less than two months. And that she is so hot. And that she actually likes me.
I went for coffee with her this morning (first time I have ever gone for coffee with another living...
Worst Possible Situation
This is the worst news. I did not expect this. Ashley is getting laid off. Just when things were going so well between us, she is leaving! This Friday is her last day. She got a three week package. I am completely envious and sad at the same time. After I found out that I was getting a raise I was a little bit happy since we would still be in the same office.
Now, I have two days to exist in her...
What Just Happened
I don’t know what is going on. This is not right. Things did not go according to plan. I just got a raise. A big raise.
How could I have gotten a raise for slacking? How could I have gotten a raise when the company is in the middle of layoffs? How did I not get laid off?!
Should I be happy? I am making about 30% more than I was yesterday. I also got stock options (finally). I still hate my...
Spoke too Soon!
I spoke too soon! I just got a meeting request to talk to my boss after lunch. The meeting is called, “Career Discussion”.
It is severance package time! My weeks of carefully slacking and being a marginally bad employee are finally paying off!
Christmas Layoffs
There are only a few days left until Christmas and no one has been laid off yet. I am a bit confused. I thought layoffs would have been announced yesterday, but I was wrong. I am almost always wrong.
A Week of Emails
Ashley and I have been emailing all week. Our relationship has grown much faster than I ever would have guessed. Maybe I should be thanking Scott. His antics helped propel my relationship with Ashley to the next level. Maybe she felt pity on me. Frankly, I don’t mind the pity attention. I am not too proud to accept pity attention, ha.
I am enjoying the way things are going. I am not going...
Weekend Plans
I met Ashley for supper this weekend. I was pretty excited for the night and it seems like she was to. We ended up going to a small local Italian place. It was fantastic. I am not going to tell you what it is called, so don’t even ask. I can’t risk people finding out where I work, just in case.
We had a nice long engrossing meal. Excellent conversation. A fair amount of wine. And what...
Christmas Music
I don’t usually listen to much Christmas music. A friend sent me the greatest album I have ever heard though. If you like Christmas and video games your life will be greatly improved by clicking on this link.
I have been listening for hours and it doesn’t get old! My favorite song title has got to be “Super Jingle Bros.”. Haha.
And in case you are wondering about Ashley,...
Broken iPod
My iPod broke today. I am completely and utterly heartbroken. I don’t think I can survive without music. Work is crawling. Life seems darker. Co-workers seem more annoying. The world is in a fog which my eyes can never adjust to. I am being crushed by a wall of grey misery.
More and More Layoffs
There are A LOT of companies laying off employees. I sure can’t wait until I am one of them! It is almost time for Christmas. What a miraculous present that would be.
I have been emailing Ashley a fair bit since she confronted me in that meeting room. It is interesting and it seems like she really enjoys talking to me. Who would have thought?
Feedburner
I just switched my RSS away from the crappy Tumblr option. Feedburner seemed the way to go, so I updated my links. If you subscribed with my old RSS fear not, it still works. But, if you want me to see some guesstimated stats, feel free to subscribe with Feedburner!
“I am so sorry for not believing you. Let me make it up to you this...”
– Ashley
Meeting Room Angst
I brought my DS to work and played Chrono Trigger in a meeting room for most of the day. It was great. But something weird happened:
Around 3pm, Ashley barged into the room seemingly upset. She just stared at me, eyes overflowing with disappointment. I was so confused.
Apparently, Scott has had a change of heart about me since I started my secret layoff plan. He voluntarily told her about his...
Chrono Trigger
Best game I have ever played. It has been far too long since I have played it. My glory days of NES and SNES love are back!
Being back at work makes me sad. I should bring my DS to work and book a meeting room to play. That is a great idea. I now have my Tuesday booked.
November 2008
23 posts
The Mall
This weekend I have to go to the mall. Well, I don’t have to. I want to. Chrono Trigger was just released for the DS and I want to get it.
I hate the mall. Especially around Christmas. It is so full of people all lining up to buy the exact same stuff. Maybe I just hate large crowds of impolite people and line ups. That is the definition of a mall thou.
All in all, Chrono Trigger had better...
“Corporations breed mediocrity.”
– Me
Corporation = Borg
A guy from Marketing talked to me in the elevator. He didn’t mock me or treat me with disdain. He just spoke to me, casually.
This has never happened before. I didn’t like it.
My layoff plan is turning me into one of the average employees. I am getting assimilated into the office, on day at a time. It is JUST like the Borg.
Macdonalds Worked
Vliolently. Faster than usual.
Offsite Meeting + Macdonalds
I had to go to an offsite meeting today. I am not sure what the meeting was about, but it took 3 hours. I don’t think I have anything to do for the meeting, but who knows. I am sure I will find out in a few weeks.
Anyways, on the way back from this offsite meeting I walked by Macdonalds. They have some magic power that makes me want to eat there. I know it is bad for me. I know it will make...
People on the Retirement Track
So, I have realized I am not on the same level as some of the older guys on the retirement track. They take slacking to a whole new level. I have been following my plan exactly. Missing meetings, pushing deadlines, going for coffee all the time; but I am not even competing with these guys.
Here is their layoff plan:
1) Flat out decline any meeting request
2) Make all deadlines 2+ years long
3)...
My Boss Talked to me
My boss talked to me today. Like actually talked to me. He has always assigned me work, but today he talked about driving his kids to work.
What would have possibly made him talk to me today! I have been slacking, so I assumed he would be angry with me. It seems I have a lot to learn about working in an office.
Layoff Plan Day 2
I am on day two of my plan and things are going great. I missed 3 meetings today! It opened up many hours and created a really relaxing day. It doesn’t get much better than this. I have a big project due tomorrow as well. I think I will put it off until Friday of next week. I just need the extra time because I have been so busy!
Good thing I have a large collection of articles built up in...
Strange Behavior
Now that I am on my “layoff plan” people seem to be treating me slightly differently. I am going for coffee multiple times a day, but I don’t drink coffee so I will pick up a tea or go for a walk. Since I made this small change in my behavior people are acknowledging my existence. I go for coffee alone, so I am not sure what is inciting this new reaction.
I have some...
Layoff Plan
Over the weekend I put together a plan to get laid off. I am almost certain that I will succeed. I see the sheer incompetence around me everyday and realize that I need to be just a little bit worse than that. My plan is:
1) Many Many offsite coffee runs everday
2) Missing meetings because I am “too busy”
3) 1.5 hour lunches almost everyday
4) getting in at 8:30am - 9:00am and...
Layoffs
The layoffs were confirmed today in a HUGE email from our CEO. I guess his thought process went as follows:
1) I have bad news I need to send to the teeming masses! Drat.
2) I don’t want a revolt.
3) I will write a 5 page email to mask my true intent!
4) I am a genius and deserve to be at the head of this ship.
5) I am sending this email, no one will be the wiser.
6) I deserve a pat on...
Food Poisoning
Lovely as today’s catered lunch was, it made me sick. I was feeling great after my short lived violent war with the flu, but now I am back to frequent bathroom visits. I won’t punish you all with details, but it is horrible.
I am noticing a number of people feeling equally as ‘shitty’ as me. Thanks faceless corporation! You are really showing us that you care. Must have...
Apocalyptic Announcement
All hands meeting number 2 was crazy. Apparently lunches are only catered when BAD news is coming. This was bad news. Those pie charts that were so good last meeting have somehow become bad. All the exec faces were ashen and very scared looking. Our firm is not going to weather the “recession” unscathed.
LAYOFFS.
As soon as that word was mentioned my face lit up. It was very obvious...
Catered Lunch!
This is uncommon. I forgot to make myself a lunch today, so I was unhappy on the bus ride to work. But once I got here I was told that we were having another “all hands” meeting and lunch was being provided! It seems like things are going to work out for me today!
Bitter again
So, I get the feeling that I am acting bitter again. I had a reprieve when I met Ashley. But that time is long gone.
Daylight savings time
I was so caught up in Ashley catastrophe that I forgot to talk about how much I hate daylight savings time! I hate it. I wake up in the dark and go home in the dark. Why do we still do daylight savings time. It makes me so sad.
Everyone always comes in late and then leaves early on the first daylight savings day. I guess that makes as much sense as the whole thing in general.
Halloween Redux
So, I passed Ashley in the hall today and she snubbed me. I am a little hurt by this, but I am used to it. Everyone else around here snubs me. Now Ashley is just like Susan! I can loathe myself twice as often.
I tried to explain the situation, but Ashley really didn’t think Scott and his “co-workers” had the balls and or “know how” to pull off the master plan. So, I...
Flu Season
So, it is flu season. I can verify that. I haven’t been sick like that for years. I am feeling ok today. I am not one of those people that goes to work when they are sick. I hate that. If you are sick, stay home. No one’s job is so important that they should come to work and make EVERYONE else in the office sick.
Fred was sick early last week. He came to work sneezing and coughing all...
So sick
I have been sick for a while… sorry readers (or reader). I will continue posting when I can move my fingers across a keyboard without excruciating pain. Sorry.
Wow... just wow
Honestly, I have to give those assfaces in Marketing credit. They really got me. Here is the story.
Somehow, the Marketing guys found out that Ashley and I were meeting up on Halloween. They wanted to mess with it. In order to do that, they threated one of our sysadmins and got access to my Outlook. They proceeded to send emails to Ashley telling her to “Meet me at the party!”. Once...
Disaster Part 3
So, I was surfing through my Sent Items looking for a message and I came across something interesting. An email that was sent to Ashley. From my inbox. Telling her that I wanted to meet at the stupid office house party. I know I didn’t send that email, so I have a bit of investigation to do.
Disaster Update
So, this day keeps getting worse.
There are a number of pictures floating around the office from the Halloween party. Somehow I was included on the mailing list. The best part about these pictures… Ashley is there in her costume having a blast. I am glad I have this final piece of misery to make my day a complete disaster.
The worst part, I saw this coming and still went through with it....
Disaster
What a terrible weekend. Sorry for going dark for so long.
So, this is going to be a rant.
After I went home to get my costume on, I checked my email again. Ashley said she was on her way and was excited to meet for a drink. So, I was happy and headed down to the pub. I waited… and waited… and waited. For 2 hours. Alone. In a pub. Dressed as Megaman. I was embarrassed and and upset....
October 2008
29 posts
Time to get Suited Up
It is time to go put my costume on. I will post a picture of it when I get home. I sure hope this date/drink/whatever this is goes well. I am pretty nervous and I am not sure how I should act. My only hope is that alcohol will help solve this situation… this may not be the best plan I have ever had.